When we talk about body positivity, that’s when we hear many women and men take a seat and delve deep into the many experiences and insecurities they have had with their looks.
At first, slim was the more ideal body shape and then the world took a different turn. Today, the whole world talks about the hourglass figure as the ideal shape for women and the inverted triangle for men. I have a feeling I might be announcing how insecure I am sometimes. Don’t get me wrong but I have developed an uncomfortably incessant desire to be more like what’s ideal.
Like for instance I want the ideal career, the ideal spouse and anything ideal, I try to eat.
Perhaps, this is not to conclude that I don’t look good. It is to say that in my subconscious mind, I say , “Oh I wish I looked different or even better.”
Having amazingly wide shoulders makes me quite picky with the clothes I wear. Sometimes, I just tell the world standards to go to hell.
What actually changed my perception about looks were two things.
- A video on YouTube
- A post I read by a healthy living enthusiast.
Barely a month ago, young girls between the ages of 13-18 were interviewed and asked how they felt about their bodies. It was a terribly painful eye opening interview.
My heart broke as a thirteen year old girl confessed that she wished she were taller than she was.
We need to hold the media, you and I accountable for this. Children as young as 13 and 14 are having insecurities. This shows how damaged our society is. The whole interview was a reflection of us and what we have allowed to infiltrate our thoughts and shape our minds.
I mean …..Who wouldn’t want to look good?
Who wouldn’t want to be told they look good?
Who wouldn’t want to be the centre of attraction?
We have projected our silly beliefs and standards unto individuals whose innocence we have ripped off without permission.
I also happened to stumble on an Instagram post by a healthy living enthusiast when I was doing research on the ways and means in which I could look better.
She said,” At first, I used to struggle with how I looked. We have been lied to that when we look a certain way, it means it is best.”
She added that her health was more important to her than looking any kind of way.
Honestly, if you are uncomfortable with how you look, you’ll continuously try to change yourself to please others and not yourself.
Sometimes I can look my very best but at other times I just don’t look good. It’s not because I’m unaware of it but I just choose to satisfy myself before any other person. When your desires are aligned to the standards of society, you will learn very quickly that every now and then; the kind of information, taste, drive and influence can shift.
This means in 3 decades, if you’re 30, you would have tried to be an individual dealing with three different insecurities or even more.
All I want to ask is that you go into your closet and ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
My intention is not to say don’t look good or even try to look better but in your quest to do so, make sure you love yourself and how you look first.
Don’t allow someone’s perception and ideals of beauty sway you into making hasty and dangerous decisions. You are better off being alive than dead especially when you’re so young and full of life.
I’m learning how to say things I didn’t say initially. I’m learning how to say thank you when someone gives me a compliment based on how I look. I’m learning to to embrace my looks. I’m learning to affirm myself. I’m learning to call myself Beautiful Queen because you know what, nobody should hype you more than yourself.
Using social media is not a waste of time. It only becomes a waste of time when you don’t use it wisely. Be intentional with the kind of people you follow. If they don’t inspire, elevate and push you to be your very best, don’t follow them. Unfollow them if they make you insecured. Unfollow them if they make you feel like you need to change parts of yourself in order to be appropriated, beautiful or whole.
So I say Rest In Peace to the times I felt like looking different was more important than looking healthy.
Rest In Peace to all those times people called out my insecurities even with the best of intentions.
Rest In Peace to the times I wish I looked like that girl. If you don’t love yourself, no one else will.