In the warmth of her silence, she continued to render countless apologies for being sexual in spite of being created to enjoy utmost pleasure without anyone’s permission, but because she feared the name calling and exclusion from her community, she decided to remain resolute and receptive of the ill culture that came with its own negative labels.
At a very early stage, girls are unconsciously groomed to think that they cannot be as sexual as men. They are told to avoid pre-marital sex in order to gain the respect of a man. As soon as a girl menstruates, she is told to avoid men lest they coax her into sexual activities that could result in unwanted pregnancies.
The problem with cautioning young girls and not doing same for young boys is that, it reiterates the uncomfortable truth that; women/girls are susceptible to being rejected when pregnancy occurs, women are likely to go through the psychological and emotional moments during pregnancy alone, girls are also likely to face social stigma alone (obviously since she’s the carrier of the child) and it leads men/boys to presume that they can get away with being overly sexual without going through the faces the women/girl does. Many men/boys believe it is a known advantage to be a man.
The insane part is that, men or boys use this advantage to lie and manipulate women just to get laid. To them, sex is just sex and to women, sex is more of an emotional exercise. The notion is that, in order to get what they want, they need to become emotionally connected to the lady in question.
If we closely navigate the urgency of teaching our boys and girls about sex, we would realize that children would explore the use of contraceptives/condoms and encourage consent among their peers.
Let’s not cover up matters such as these with religiosity. It stinks! Young people are having sex and they will not stop having sex. There’s nothing wrong with preaching religion but there’s everything wrong if we use religion as a means to wear our hypocritical caps and decide not to teach children or people what they should know. Parents need to have very open conversations with their children and expect the same results from both male and female.
There’s been occasions where I’ve had conversations with male colleagues who tell me how mostly their mothers tell them to use condoms and then I always ask, what do they tell your sister or if they have no sister I ask, what do you think your mother would’ve told your sister?
They always say the same thing. It’s always something different from what they are told, which really confuses me, because really if you want to preach celibacy, do so. If we don’t want to, don’t. Stop telling your boys to be free sexually because at the end of the day, its still girls or women they’d sleep with.
We teach young girls that worth is connected to sex. If she thinks she loses something by having sex, then automatically we make her think that the worth and value of a woman is connected to her vagina. This narrative is based on a broken society. It is based on the fact that society has allowed men to be whatever they want but to be a woman is to be boxed. When it comes to sex, women suffer.
Women don’t know their bodies and men selfishly once satisfied can leave the woman wanting more, the thought that she would be seen in a certain way if she craves for sex, sex and more sex, automatically gives her permission to remain silent.
The idea is that she isn’t as sexual as a man and so she doesn’t explore herself to know what turns her on even in marriage. Some even feel dirty when they have sex, and others never enjoy themselves sexually even after they walk down the aisle. Women can love sex. Women should love sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
That’s one spectrum. The other spectrum is the idea that women are not as sexual as majority of people presume and so usually topics such as masturbation and sexual addiction is barely associated with them. I get the point because if women don’t enjoy libido that much, then it means there is no way they will be addicted or even masturbate, since they don’t even know their bodies to explore what makes them feel good. Well, the thing is, women or girls can be as sexual as men.
Someone once said, “If you ask a woman how many sexual partners she’s had, she’d tell you two. Usually, that’s the lie many of them tell.” First of all, it is very inappropriate to ask anyone the number of sexual partners they’ve had whether they are male or female. Why are you even asking them that?
I watched a video on YouTube recently. All the individuals in the video, both men and women had to tell the number of people they had slept with, one lady correctly said that she was uncomfortable with putting that out due to the fact that women who explored or had a lot of sexual partners were slut shamed. After hesitating for a while, she mentioned her number.
I’m not about to say that I’m a Christian and so do not have sex. I am not about to wear that hypocritical cap, I so eagerly detest, but I must say that every choice that we make has its own consequences. We do not reap that which we do not sow. In the light of becoming better, we need to take a step back and look at what drives us, makes us feel better and grow. Our life is not sex and sex is not our life. What is our life? Our life is worth, value, ingenuity, passion, love, mistakes, trauma, favor, grace, lust, etc.
At the heart of the matter, is our health, peace of mind and our individual purpose. Let’s put our health into consideration. Let’s weigh the pros and cons of our decisions. Are you just manipulating someone or lying to them in order to get laid? Are you having sex because you are in love? Doesn’t sex cloud your judgment whiles in a relationship? Is it the right time? Do you trust them enough? Are you ready to bear the consequences that might come with it?
The truth about this is that, we need to identify the things that make each other better and not just ourselves. Being better and doing better affects everyone around us, so does unlearning the traditions that entangle us into believing we cannot be all that we have been called to be. However, our focus should not be on sex but the many intimate things that touches the heart without exploring what is between the thighs.
The human is more than what society thinks it is, which is why it is a flawed idea to box anyone or project what we think they should be on them. It is our differences that allows us to co-exist beautifully. Allow people to be their better selves. If you don’t give a child what they need physically, psychologically spiritually and mentally, they become malnourished.
If you don’t allow a tree to grow as it should, like Jesus said, it will be cut off. We won’t be able to reap the benefits with which the growth of that tree or child would’ve presented to us. People need to unlearn the idea that women are not as sexual as men. Women and men need to be reoriented on sex. Men need to learn that they do not own women’s bodies. Both (male and female couple) need to learn each other’s bodies in order to know what turns them on.